The previous jokes of the moment

Yes, this one I have helped build...;)

Everything that Iíve ever needed to know Iíve learned from Martial Arts Films

1. Senseiís Law #1: Never mess with the guy in the corner with the large hat over his eyes.

2. Senseiís Law #2: Never mess with the 300 year old man that looks totally helpless, is blind, lame, or is bald with a white goatee. He can kill you if you blink at the wrong time!

3. If there is a man with white hair in the film, he is ultimately the victor.

4. If the hero in the movie has a significant other, he/she will probably die.

5. If you are ever mortally wounded, you still have enough life left to travel 25 miles back to your home village; where you will make a very long and dramatic speech, and then die.

6. If there is one person in the movie that never says anything until the last 5 minutes of the film, heís the best fighter of the entire movie.

7. Senseiís Law #3: Never start a fight with anyone wearing a solid white, or black outfit; never and I do mean NEVER mess with the guy that wears black with red accessories.

8. If there is a drunk in the village he is to be feared and respected, Or he will kill you.

9. People with Tattoos are not to be taken lightly.

10. If the warrior has a braid he knows at least 2 different styles of Kung-Fu.

11. People can finish their sentences 3 seconds after their lips have finished moving.

12. Anyone wearing black boots with white trim is an excellent kicker, and will include a host of gymnastics in executing his martial arts moves.

13. If the hero is close to his brother, sister, mother, father, girlfriend, any family member, or teacher, he\she\they\it will die.

14. Senseiís Law #4: Teachers are dragons, pupils are grasshoppers.

15. If a warrior has a uniform where his arms are exposed, they are his primary weapons.

16. The best teams come in numbers of 3ís, 5ís, and 7ís.

17. If a school is ever attacked there is always one survivor left to return years later to avenge the death of his teacher classmates, etc.

18. The best styles include animals, insects, and drunks.

19. Anyone weighing under 100lbs uses the snake, or the crane style. Anyone over 100lbs uses whatever they like.

20. Anyone over 150lbs uses the tiger, or some other similarly destructive style.

21. Everyone will say the phrase "Um, right!" at least once before the movie is over.

22. Senseiís Law #5: Teachers must have iron Gonads.

23. Senseiís Law #6: You must focus!

24. Anyone who practices Kung Fu can leap at least 10 feet straight into the air.

25. If ever surrounded in a fight always hit the unsuspecting fool that is behind you and directly to the right.

26. Martial Artists never eat, drink, or sleep, just fight.

27. The female fighter will take out the first 2 fighters only to be pummeled by the remaining 13-30Ö

28. Ösaid fighter of course will have no visible injuries once rescuedÖ

29. ...said fighter will also swiftly commence to destroy anything that moves, and fall in love with her savior.

30. Anytime is a good time to say "um, right", or "you there", or "whatís that?". Even if itís totally out of context.

31. No matter how much of a beating, thrashing, clubbing, or maiming the hero takes, he will always win the fight.....

32. There are always twelve different ways to say yes

33. Our hero will come out of no where, seemingly know no one, and captivate everyone until the time of his death.

34. The sensei always has a dark past, that he'd sooner forget if it wasn't for his prize student finding out.

35. If Confucius say, you better dam well read, decipher, understand, and act upon immediately, or you will die horribly.

36. The uglier the person, the more evil they tend to be.

37. In the same light, the better looking they are, the better they are.

38. Anyone weighing over 200lbs automatically has iron skin.

39. You must always be one with yourself ..... (no comment)

40. Anyone weighing about 1000 lbs does not need to fight. No one knows why, because everyone else fighting FOR him will take care of the problem of you asking.

41. The reason that no hero eats, drinks, or sleeps, is because if he does, he usually gets poisoned, stabbed, or very unpleasant things happen.

42. Anytime action must be taken, someone must say the phrase "o.k. letís go" only to be closely followed by the phrase "um, right".

43. If the warrior fails in his mission he will fight to the death, if no one can kill him, heíll kill himself. The imperative is that someone dies.

44. You must hear the sound of one hand clapping ???

45. Fortune says man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

46. Fortune says man who is stuck in pantry has butt in jam.

47. When dealing with large reptilian creatures, objects are closer/larger than they appear......

You know you listen to too much anime music when...

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